I'm doing a 10 days to organized plan for our house. We had lots of Christmas stuff to put away, plus, we're about to do another bedroom shuffle again so it's a good time of the year to straighten the house back up, declutter and organize.
But, this morning, I haven't felt well so I decided to put my feet up for a few while Porter is napping. Lately, we've got lots of comments about this pregnancy. So, I wrote this little list of what is not appropriate to say to a pregnant woman. I'm sure every woman that has had a baby has their own little stories but this 3rd pregnancy sure has brought on a lot of comments.
For those of you who don't know, we did find out what we are having...God has blessed us with....A BOY!!!!!. I'm so excited to be an "all boy mom"!!! Kit & I decided to find out and switch it up this time. I'm so glad we did. We had our Doctor put the u/s picture in an envelope and when we were ready, we went out to dinner and sat in a private booth and opened the envelope. It was so sweet & something we'll never forget. I love looking to the future with all my boys, BUT, I'll be honest. I'm not so sure I'm glad we went public with what we were having. It has brought out several opinions and comments that have been beyond hurtful. We are so excited about this little life that God has blessed us with and we know that this is God's perfect plan. Sure, I would have LOVED a girl. But, I LOVE that I'm having a boy. He is NOT a disappointment and NOT a mistake. This momma bear is very protective of this little boy already. We always like to meet our boys before "officially" giving them their name so no name will be revealed until his birth! But for now, he's called "Mater" by a certain little 3 year old around our house ;).
The SWEETEST comment we've received seriously brought tears to my eyes. After hearing nothing but, "ANOTHER boy? I was so hoping it would be a girl." A sweet, sweet woman came up to me and said, "Congratulations on a boy!!! You know I had three girls and I wouldn't trade my third girl for anything!! You guys have such cute boys and I can't wait to meet him." Thank you, Miss Beth. That was so sweet!
I'm not making these up. All these have been said to me...
It's not nice....
It is not nice to compliment someone in their early months of pregnancy and say, "cause I know in the coming months, you are going to get REALLY big."
It is not nice to say, "how are you feeling?" only to lead into, "that's right, you feel the best when you are barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen. That's why you keep poppin' them out!"
It is not nice to say, "do you know what you are having" and when the response is "a boy!" drop your smile while looking at the shopping cart to see two other boys and say, "well, I guess any baby will work. I suppose it doesn't HAVE to be a girl."
It is not nice to say, "it's gotta be a boy/girl because..." and name off the old wives tales like, "your butt is really big this time," or "your face is huge this time"
It is not nice to say, "I still can't believe you are having ANOTHER baby. My husband and I were just talking about how we couldn't believe you had Porter SO close to Henry and here you are AGAIN!!".
It is not nice to say, "Are you sure it's not twins?" really, really sure? I'm not convinced".
It is not nice to say, "Oh, it had BETTER be a girl for it be worth it!!!"
It is not nice to say, "Oh. ANOTHER boy. There is always next time. In fact, (enter family name) had 3 boys and THEN a girl." Seriously, this is completely inappropriate and really gets my blood boiling. Really? Does this sweet boy not count? Inappropriate. Irrelevant.
It is not nice to say, "I can't wait to hear what you name this baby, your other two boys' names are so weird. Did you say they were family names?"
It is not nice to say, "too bad it's all boys instead of all girls. Hope you really like your husband because no one will be visiting you once they are grown."
8 comments:
Grace, I am so sorry, you've had these awful comments said to you! I hear similar ones with having our two boys & how we need to keep going for a girl. I am sorry but I am very content with our boys because that is what God gave us & his gifts are perfect!! I can't wait to meet our new nephew & he is so loved already & I am so excited for you guys. People really need to think before they speak & realize how hurtful & inconsiderate their words can be especially when you have no control what God blesses you with & he KNOWS what you need. Thank you for posting! <3 you!
I am so proud and happy to say you are caring our 6th grandson. God knew who you needed and when you needed them. I am so thankful for the children God gave me and then the in law children He blessed us with. Love you!!
i've heard it all too. i especially like when people say "oh, you finally got your boy"...like our girls aren't worth anything. i just chalk it up to not thinking on their part and try to let it roll off my back. the comments don't stop just because they aren't in a cart/stroller now either. when we say "we have 3 daughters and a son" we still get the looks. we are so excited to meet "mater" and it is so fun having nephews <3!! i always said i was destined for boys because that is all i ever babysat for, but i guess it was just preparing me for all of the nephews :)
Grace, I hope to encourage you here. I've had a similar experience yet different in that I had two girls, actually secretly hoping for a third (Brandon too), but then had a boy. Once we found out Nolan was a boy, people would say, "Oh good, you're FINALLY getting your boy." Brandon finally got really defensive (which is not in his character) after about the 5th comment and said, "We're very pleased with the children we're having. So long as the baby is healthy (ironic) we're happy with whatever God gives us. We'd have been just as excited to add another little girl." He felt like people were making Adelynne (our middle) out to be a mistake and that we had a third because we had wanted her to be a boy.
I'm also with you on the kids close together. All 3 of ours were born in 3 1/2 years. "Oh, you're pregnant again?" I hear ya on that. One sweet lady said, "You'll be so glad you had them so close, they'll be best friends." :) Yes, that's what we're hoping for!!!!! If it wasn't God's plan for you to have 3 boys this close together, then you wouldn't. He's the giver and the taker. You're blessings are from Him, even if others don't understand. I know you know that. 3 boys close together will be darling, fun, exciting, dependable. God makes no mistakes. In the words of my sweet hubby, "You can't make other people understand. You do the best you can with the Lord's help." Don't worry another minute about comments. You're the momma crusader for those boys. There's no one better to be their mommy.
People are flippant and don't filter... and they don't realize their comment is in the midst of a long line of comments. I agree with Shana, it doesn't really stop... but at least you can deal with some now... and not post partum. lol!
Seriously, you're not responsible for people's joy and you can't let people rob you of any joy. So enjoy your family God has given you and know the Wx fam is excited for this baby boy. (Todd would love to share his bday!)
Grace,
I would say that I can't believe anyone would say such things but we've had some pretty interesting comments with our unconventional family as well. Praise God for this little life He is blessing you and Kit and Henry and Porter with! We are very excited for you!! Love, Angela
Grace Can I give you some names... How about Casper Cadwallader?? I think that sounds great..Just think if we still worked there we could come up with some good ones..I heard of one Channing?? Well what you come up with be so cute, just like Henry and Porter..Can't wait to see what he looks like.. You look great:)
Holy cow. Are you serious?!? Man if only they knew right? Plus even if what God has in store for you isn't what He has in store for them, a wise person wouldn't say such things about God's plan. Ugh. I'm sorry people.have been so.hurtful to you. Makes me sad.
Prayers for you and the family.
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