Life Lately…an HONEST approach.

I posted a few pictures below of Father's Day. What can I say about Father's Day? Kit is an amazing father. There are some men that our just natural born fathers. He is one of them. But the day itself?hmmm. It was an epic fail I would say as far as the fact we are slap WORE. OUT. there were no gifts, there wasn't much rest and trying to get a picture of our children with their father was a dramatic ordeal. Kit went grocery shopping at 9pm on Sunday night. Happy Father's day, babe :/.

This season. This season of life is messy, and dirty…and sticky. We are in over our heads.

I told my husband the other night I just needed a break. How did I know that? Because my kids don't even look cute to me. I know I'm biased but I think they are the most beautiful children…. until you tell them 1,078 times not to do the thing you told them not to do….five minutes ago…for months on end. Right now, they just aren't all that cute to me.

I feel as tho I keep telling everyone "I need a break" and I get the old rub your back and pat your head and tell you to enjoy these moments because the years fly by. The years DO fly by. It's the days that are so stinking long at times.

Let me just recap. I've needed a break for 2 years. Wells' birth just about did me in. Then shortly after he was born I had to have surgery to retrieve an IUD that perforated through my uterus. niiiiiice. Then, I begging for a break. But next…we got a job offer. So…we thought it would be a good direction to move, a little closer to some family and we grew to LOVE Georgia that I thought it would be the same with Texas. Right when I was coming around to the idea as the movers were packing up my house... I found out I was pregnant. areyoukiddingme?!?!?! So we bought the big house with enough bedrooms for all our kids with a couple of guest rooms for family to stay. Then, all I wanted to do was have this baby and move forward. Like really. FOUR…NO MORE.

Along came October and I was SO ready to deliver. And apparently so was my body. We arrived at the hospital and I was 9 cm and my water broke upon being wheeled to Labor and Delivery. I tried to breathe through 3 contractions while it was all hands on deck on the unit for them to start an IV and find the doctor on call. Little Miss Ruby Jane was born 11 minutes after arriving to the hospital. Beautiful, gorgeous, healthy & whole. The sugar & spice to our family of boys. The last addition to our family. There were no prouder parents that day at the hospital.

I sat in that bed after showering feeling so great and thinking I had finally made it. Life was about to slow down. Well, with 4 kids under 5 I knew it was going to speed up. But having babies and relocating and all that "mess" was over. Behind us. We were going to become like other "normal" families and "blend in" with society.

Only I wasn't "fine". 3 weeks later a colonoscopy would then diagnose me with Ulcerative Colitis. I saw several GI doctors, was put on harsh steroid medication and told to "lead a normal life". December I was exhausted with a newborn, 3 small children and a new community I still didn't really know.

A trip to the ER for what I was hoping would be a quick visit for an antibiotic would leave me fighting for my life with days in ICU and stumping doctors leaving them to call it all "viral" and "sepsis". I was there for about 2 weeks and I can't say I remember tons of details about.

OKAY. ARE YOU STILL WITH ME?!?!?

We've been in this trial now for while. Most times we are positive about it. But the other day….the clouds got so dark I couldn't see. That rain…turned to hail. And instead of taking a deep breath and praying about it? I called my husband to come home. NOW. Before momma snaps…I took my anxiety and selfish flesh with me and drove for quite a while…even did some shopping. Then finally got back in my truck. a QUIET…eerily quiet truck. and prayed. When you take time to quiet the chaos and the noise, the perspective that comes out of it is beautiful….

Like that husband. The one who drives the hour from his office to our home when he hears his wife on the other end with exhaustion and desperation in her voice. The one who has washed more bottles, conquered more bath times and does the bedtime routine better than I could even dream of doing.

Like those kids. They really ARE a blessing. I always said I wanted 4. Then I had 3 and was in over my head. DONE. But God did give us 4. It is such a gift that while we haven't had much "fun" lately. They do have each other and it is a blessing to have siblings to play with even on the days…many many days that we don't leave the house. And that little girl everyone always said I needed? Well, she has really brought JOY in the midst of rough times. And turns out girls are much different than boys. MUCH. It's not lost on me how thankful I am to have both boy & girl children. Some days I've had Henry pray over me. When your FIVE year old lays hands on you and prays with that sweet innocent voice, there is no way you can't be blessed. I can't wait to see how God uses my children! Just a glimpse makes me what to be him when I grow up.

God's whole foods. I've always been one of those people who have really wanted to be on this awesome all natural diet. Someone who could say no to sugar and carbs and processed food. But, those types of things only lasted about 36 hours on my own. BUT, when you have a disease that is directly related to foods you are fueling your body with…it's amazing what you can do. For FIVE months I've eaten nothing but 7 WHOLE foods and am just now beginning the very slow process of adding other whole foods back in. Chicken, Salmon, Chicken broth, green beans, carrots, bananas & sweet potatoes. that's it. THAT'S IT. thatsit. THAT IS IT. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks. But you know what, after searching out all the options from harsh medications to surgery, I feel blessed to be able to do this. I clearly feel like this is the path he has placed me on. Remember that dream on just told you about wanting to eat clean for years? Turns out I'm doing it. And I have my colon as an accountability partner too ;). If it was easy…everyone would be doing it. Turns out it is hard work but I believe SO worth it.

That new town. I remember when we took the job in Houston. It's like I knew we weren't going to "love it" but it would be "necessary". Guess what. We AREN'T loving it. BUT, I do believe it is necessary. Fresh out of the airport on the way to our new home I remember driving by the hospital I would nearly die in 9 months later. I remember something in my spirit telling me I was going to have an "influence" there. In my naive thoughts…I thought that meant with my small medical knowledge and experience that I could somehow volunteer or work 1 day a week or so. Little did I know it would mean giving God the glory to all the doctors and nurses at the hospital and all those weeks of followup in their office. I believe it was necessary to be somewhere where we knew not a soul so that we would completely have to pull in closer, lean into and give it all to God when we had no one. NO ONE.
I've since been directed to a Health & Wellness center and am really working on improving my immune system…not suppressing it. I'm getting ready to find out results on some extensive allergy testing too. I've learned so much about the body and nutrition. Medical stuff has always fascinated me so trying a "holistic" approach was something I had no interest in trying…until I didn't like what doctors were telling me so I felt God leading me this way. I'm so thankful. It's been incredible.

Those friends. Those friends that I always pray for while we move? Well, in Georgia they all came to me at once. Shortly after moving and I rarely felt lonely even when missing family at times. When we moved to Texas? I waited. AND waited. Turns out sometimes instead of waiting for a friend…you have to leave your house to find them. So I went one hot, humid day when my belly was huge, chasing after 3 small boys thinking how ridiculous I looked and how we should go back home. But then I felt God prompting me to talk to that woman at the end of the pool. the one with the same belly. And ya know what? She was having a GIRL too, due right when I was AND also didn't have any family in town. Pretty cool stuff because she has been the best friend to me in the last year. And ya know what else? Those other friends I was praying for? God brought them to my front door. with food. That's right. Never even knew us but they were willing to provide for our family. And even tho my friend circle in Texas is rather small. It's rich. It's more about quality than quantity, no? Over & over those women have blessed me.

I can't tell you how many times I've pulled up my blog to post something. I've never had a dream to be a writer, I've just always enjoyed keeping family updated. BUT, I haven't known what to say for months. Until God just recently laid it on my heart to write this out. This has been so beneficial for me to write it out and see God's hand working as I think into the recent past. But God has made it clear to me that this isn't just for me. Someone is needing a word. If it's anything I've learned it's just how much I could've died December 16, 2013 on Henry's 5th birthday. BUT. I didn't. He isn't finished with me yet. And unless it is your time to go, you aren't going anywhere no matter how bad things yet.
There is ALWAYS hope. I haven't always believed that, I haven't always seen that, but it is true. That doesn't mean my life is "easy" or even "clean" for that matter.

The days are still hard. This ulcerative colitis sucks. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. But I have hope that it will go into remission. I have hope that while I'm eating whole foods, I am also healing my gut. And improving my health. It's already improved So so so much. I have hope that because someone shared their hopeful story of UC with diet, I will be a living testimony and can share for someone else to try it. AND WIN THE BATTLE. Because we are overcomers!

This quote was by far the greatest encouragement someone emailed to me after my second hospital stay. This spoke LIFE to me and continues to.

“God will not turn away from doing you good. He will keep on doing good. He doesn't do good to His children sometimes and bad to them other times. He keeps on doing good and He never will stop doing good for ten thousand ages of ages. When things are going bad that does not mean God has stopped doing good. It means He is shifting things around to get them in place for more good, if you will go on loving Him.” 
― John Piper, Don't Waste Your Life

SO good, right? 

 I could go on and on and on. One verse that has kept me moving is, John 6:63, "It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh profits nothing; the words that I have spoken to you are spirit and are life." LIFE. LIFE. LIFE. Think on that word. The devil can't speak LIFE. he speaks LIES. Lean into the only one true God that gives LIFE….abundantly!

I have hope that even tho that "break" I keep trying to get around here isn't coming…it doesn't mean that it won't. Someday my hubby & I will sneak away for a few days without kiddos. But for now He gives me everything I need for today. Even to rebuke those piles of laundry and dirty dishes in the sink that try to tell me I don't have it all together. Because I don't have it all together and I never will. That point A to point B mentality I love to live by, just won't do. It's a journey and if I hold my breath until the storm passes over, I will have passed out and missed little blessings along the way.

So if you feel like you need a break…stop what you are doing and talk to God about it. Then come on over to my toy filled, dusty, laundry piles everywhere home with your kiddos. I will not judge if they happen to be wearing the same clothes for the second day in a row, didn't get their bath last night and oh yeah, would you like something to eat? I can offer you chicken, salmon, green, beans, sweet potatoes and a banana! :)